Heavy Hearted

The past few days I have been struck by the enormity of the sadness in the world around me. The 7th anniversary of September 11th came and went, and I still get chills up and down my spine every time I think of that day and where I was and what horrors happened to those poor people. I remember thinking on 9/11/01 that I was glad I didn't have any children, because it would be a horrible place to bring a child into a world filled with such hate.

I know God doesn't promise us happiness or health or a long life, but I feel so scared, and even paralyzed sometimes by the brevity that is life. I have now brought three little lives into the world, and I want to be around to keep them safe and happy and healthy. And I want them to live long and happy and prosperous lives. But unfortunately my desires aren't what matters---it's God's Will.

This week a high school friend of mine birthed a precious baby boy at 24 weeks gestation. Little Braden fought for his life for a couple of days and then lost his battle. My heart breaks for him and for those that loved him such a short time. It seems so unfair for a baby to be torn from his parents, their first born.

My neighbor's daughter-in-law passed this week, and their nephew too. A train wreck in California killed dozens of people. And requests pour into our prayer line at church for people with great need. It's so overwhelming to me. All around me it seems that people are fighting major battles, mourning tragic losses, struggling with disease. Sometimes I feel like I'm living just waiting for my turn, for it to happen to me. I suppose I just want to live a life worthy of the path God has planned for me. I want my words and my actions to say the same thing. I don't want to be selfish. I want to have a purpose and I desire to know what I can do to help others who deal with such exorbitant pain. I guess this entry is a little depressing, but my heart is heavy tonight...